JavaScript is required to use Bungie.net

OffTopic

Surf a Flood of random discussion.
Edited by A Spooky Reaper: 3/20/2017 2:30:35 AM
26

I lost my watch at a bar once...

...15 minutes later I observed a guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing a young women by one of the tables. Enraged, I immediately went over and punched him, breaking his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.
English
#Offtopic #spooky

Posting in language:

 

Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

  • If you lost your watch how did you know it was 15 minutes later

    Posting in language:

     

    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

    1 Reply
    • [b][i][u]HILARIOUS[/u][/i][/b] and [b][i][u]ORIGINAL[/u][/i][/b]

      Posting in language:

       

      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      6 Replies
      • I see what you did there.

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      • *facepalms* *shakes head while sighing continuing to facepalm*

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      • You deserve a bump

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

      • This is the worst retelling of this joke I've ever read

        Posting in language:

         

        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        1 Reply
        • Old joke is old.

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

        • Pretty sure I saw this on here a week ago, only told better

          Posting in language:

           

          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          3 Replies
          • Edited by Wholesome Sand Eater: 3/17/2017 12:18:04 AM
            I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party. Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          • Was he harassing the woman with his long hard clock?

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          • Get a better joke.

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

          • It's pitiful to know that OP wants attention, so he'll use a joke that was just used recently, only to retell it worse.

            Posting in language:

             

            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

            3 Replies
            • C'mon man, don't recycle jokes.

              Posting in language:

               

              Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

              3 Replies
              • What kind of watch was it? * sips hot chocolate *

                Posting in language:

                 

                Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

              • I've seen this before. [spoiler]I remain unamused[/spoiler]

                Posting in language:

                 

                Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

              • You are fake news

                Posting in language:

                 

                Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                2 Replies
                • [quote]15 minutes later[/quote] but how did you know it was 15 minutes later without a watch? I call shenanigans.

                  Posting in language:

                   

                  Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                  2 Replies
                  • original content

                    Posting in language:

                     

                    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                  • I hole-hardedly agree, but allow me to play doubles advocate here for a moment. For all intensive purposes I think you are wrong. In an age where false morals are a diamond dozen, true virtues are a blessing in the skies. We often put our false morality on a petal stool like a bunch of pre-Madonnas, but you all seem to be taking something very valuable for granite. So I ask of you to mustard up all the strength you can because it is a doggy dog world out there. Although there is some merit to what you are saying it seems like you have a huge ship on your shoulder. In your argument you seem to throw everything in but the kids Nsync, and even though you are having a feel day with this I am here to bring you back into reality. I have a sick sense when it comes to these types of things. It is almost spooky, because I cannot turn a blonde eye to these glaring flaws in your rhetoric. I have zero taller ants when it comes to people spouting out hate in the name of moral righteousness. You just need to remember what comes around is all around, and when supply and command fails you will be the first to go. Make my words, when you get down to brass stacks it doesn't take rocket appliances to get two birds stoned at once. It's clear who makes the pants in this relationship, and sometimes you just have to swallow your prize and accept the facts. You might have to come to this conclusion through denial and error but I swear on my mother's mating name that when you put the petal to the medal you will pass with flying carpets like it’s a peach of cake The year is 2048 >Trump's Empire has taken Europe and is now invading North Korea >Trump the Ever-Living is working on plans for his Mars base >One of Trump's advisers entered the war room >"My Lord, we just received news that your strike team has failed. Kim Jong Un is still alive." >Trump stood up from his solid gold throne >"Looks like I have to do this myself." >"Sir?" >The Trumptator adjusted his tie >"I need a weapon." >Trump's holocopter (a helicopter with a cloaking device) positions itself above Kim Jong Un's palace >"This shouldn't be long." >He jumps from the holocopter without a parachute >Trump lands standing up, his solid gold armor preventing any bodily harm >The palace's doors open on their own upon Trump's arrival >Lord Trump moves quickly through the palace >The guards put up little resistance, the Trumptator taking them out with headshots >Trump the Immortal enters the throne room and is quickly surrounded by palace guards >They encircle him and take his gold plated assault rifle >"Rooks rike you're stumped!" said the Korean Dictator with a smile >Trump smirks "I don't think so." >Our lord unleashes his dual omni-blades and cuts down the guards in a matter of seconds >Kim Jong Un takes out a handgun from his inside his jacket >"FRUK YOU!" he screams as he empties the magazine >Trump raises his hand and stops all of the bullets Matrix style >Lord Trump aims his trademark gold plated revolver at the Korean dictator >"Kim.." >A bead of sweat ran down the side of Kim Jong Un's face >Trump the Undying pulled back the hammer and smirked >"You're fired" PART 2: >The year is 2066 >Wake up, turn on TNN (Trump News Network) >Watch the destruction from the Blitzkrieg of Europe >Think to myself "Thank God I live in Trumptopia" >Look outside my window >Notice the Trumpstapo kick down my neighbors door >They drag out my neighbor, Francisco Pedro Alejandro Gomez >Trumpstapo force him onto his knees >A man in solid gold comes up to my neighbor, closely followed by his guards, the Trumpen-SS >I squint and notice that it's him, it's really him >Trump the Ever-Living >Trump the Undying >Trump the Conqueror >The other neighbors started to gather around >"You're illegal aren't you?" Our Lord asked >"No senor, no no!" >"That's what they all say" >The Trumpstapo got him on his feet "What should we do with him, my Lord?" >The Trumptator smirked >My neighbors begin to chant >"Wall! Wall! Wall! Wall!" >"Send him to the Wall! Take him away!" >My neighbors cheer and celebrate >Several days later >Turn on TNN >On Fridays, TNN live streams the Wall >All the illegals found that week are stood up on top of the Great Trump Wall >Notice my neighbor is among them >A man in solid gold appears on top of the Wall >How he gets there is unknown, he just does it, he's Trump the Ever-living >The camera zooms in on our Lord >"To all illegals that continue to taint Trumptopia, I will find you. And I will stump you." >Lord Trump begins to kick each illegal one by one off the wall >Their screams echo and quickly disappear as they fall to their death >Those that came to Wall to see the action live shout "STUMPED" after each illegal is kicked What a great time to be alive PART 3: >2068 >Emperor Trump is nearing his goal of world conquest >The North American Empire can't be stopped >Mexico has been destroyed and the blitzkrieg of Europe will begin soon, lead of course by the Emperor himself >America has truly become great again >A rebellion has risen in the NAE >Comprised mostly of libcucks and nogs who want their welfare back >Have tried several times to assassinate Trump the Ever-living but all have failed >The rebellion has devised a new plan that they think will succeed >Have an operative that is Trump's personal servant >Will put poison his wine >The Rebellion will meet at noon before they carry out the plan >The operative goes to the secret meeting location >The rebels tell stories about how a man named Bernie almost defeated Trump >They say how everything and everyone would have been free if Bernie had won >One rebel adds on to the story "Trump wouldn't have won if people knew of his immortality" >A man with a scar under his right eye gives the poison to the operative >"Poison him, end our suffering, it's what Bernie would have wanted" >He takes the poison and hides it as he enters the Trump House >The operative gets the wine and adds in the poison >He stops before entering the Oval Throne Room >"For Bernie" he says to himself as he enters the throne room >He is immediately stopped by the guards who take the wine and aim their weapons at him >"What's going on, it's just wine!" the operative proclaims >The Emperor stand up from his solid gold throne >"Do you truly believe this plan would have worked?" >"Your rebel friends have been dealt with, one of my agents told me of your plan" >The man with the scar under his right eye enters the room and stand next to Lord Trump >"No, NO! This cannot be" the operative says in disbelief >Trump the Ever-living takes his gold plated revolver from his desk >"You're fired" PART 4: >2016 >Trump has just been elected >About to say first words as president >He adjusts his tie and looks straight on into the audience >"Obama, you're fired" >Shortly after this Trump reveals that he's immortal and destroys the constitution >Trump is emperor for the rest of time >2025 >Emperor Trump has solved all of the US' problems >Illegals are stuck behind the Great Trump Wall >The Trumpen-SS keeps degenerates off the streets >Nogs are enslaved again >Trumpstapo sends all illegals that try to get past wall to Trumpentration Camps What a great time to be alive PART 5: >2087 >The Trumptopian war machine controls all of Earth's surface >This has become a problem since there is nowhere to deport immigrants >There isn't really such a thing as immigrants now >That's just what Trump the Unstumpable calls anyone who rebels against him >The common solution has been to attach weights to their feet and throw them into an ocean >But our great Lord Trump is stuck now >There is nowhere to expand >No place to conquer >No place, at least, on Earth >Trump, not to be stumped by Earth, turns his eyes to the stars >He invests about 5% of his net worth (100 quadrillion Donald Dollars) into his space program >He amasses a fleet of 2000 Trump Destroyers and hundreds of thousands of Trump Fighters >The Trumpwaffe is disbanded and all Propaganda Bombers are converted to starships >Flash forward to 2104 >Trump the Conquerer is ready to begin his conquest of the Solar System >He puts out a law that all able-bodied men must serve in his glorious conquest or be deported >Immediately all the citizens of Trumptopia rush to our Lord's aid >Those who didn't are immediately stumped >Trump the Mighty addresses his people >"Today, we embark on a new conquest" >"A conquest whose single goal is to stump all of the illegal aliens in the Solar System" >"Today, we are no longer the Empire of Trumptopia" >"We become the Trumptopian Galactic Empire!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!" >"Hail, Trump!"

                    Posting in language:

                     

                    Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                    6 Replies
                    • How did you know that it was 15 minutes later if you lost your watch?

                      Posting in language:

                       

                      Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                      1 Reply
                      • Lol someone made this exact joke less than a month ago and this post still makes it to trending. This site smh.

                        Posting in language:

                         

                        Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                        1 Reply
                        • O lelelelle

                          Posting in language:

                           

                          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                        • Awww. Op found the copy button. I saw this a couple weeks ago. ~ Making America Great Again ~

                          Posting in language:

                           

                          Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                          5 Replies
                          • Seen this joke before... [spoiler]I still find it funny.[/spoiler]

                            Posting in language:

                             

                            Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                            1 Reply
                            • https://youtu.be/zlptfGzEfvE

                              Posting in language:

                               

                              Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                            • Lol

                              Posting in language:

                               

                              Play nice. Take a minute to review our Code of Conduct before submitting your post. Cancel Edit Create Fireteam Post

                            You are not allowed to view this content.
                            ;
                            preload icon
                            preload icon
                            preload icon