Alright time to do an ”extensive” review of the campaign. So we start with vuvuzala telling us that most of the planets have now become part of a future ten dollar season. Then we arrive on Europa and Variks is running with a small box of ether. At least I assume it’s ether, but the stranger takes it and we never see it again. So now our guardian receives a distress call! [quote]Mayday! Mayday! This is Bravo 22, under heavy assault from hostiles! The- They’re not Covenant! I- ahhh get it off! NOOOOO![/quote] Damn bungie you really went all out with a darker tone. That was great- oh wait, wrong game. So variks speaks of great danger. Ghost: He’s the one who killed Cayde. Derpy: No he didn’t. Guardian: I know he did. Derpy: I guess he did then. So we kill some stuff and find variks. Eramis: I have you trapped variks! Now I’m going to take your arm, explain my evil plan, and then leave so someone can save you! There she is. I’ll just use my trusty sniper rifle that I’ve used since day one! This baby can take the hat of an elite at 200 yards! Fire! -Immune- [quote]This week at bungie we’re going to talk about sunsetting our gear. In the next season most of your weapons and armor will have a light cap. This is to force players to carefully selected new weapons and to try new play styles...[/quote] Eramis: YoU sLy DaWG! yOu cAugHT mE MoNOLoGuInG! Eramis runs away and I fight the rest of the fallen to save variks. I did crack a smile when Variks said “Please try to shoot away from friend Variks.” Anyway Variks is free and my ghost is all like- Ghost: You’ve got a lot to answer for! Variks: Yo there’s this crazy lady who’s using darkness and I need you to stop her. Ghost: Oh, sure thing buddy we’ll help you. :) Variks wants us to stop Eramis. Derpy: Where is she? Variks: I do not know. But I have a walkthrough guide. Variks turns on a large screen and. plays the guide, but I was surprised when the video was of the conversation we were currently having right now. Derpy: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the DLC? Variks: Now. You're looking at now. Everything that happens now, is happening now. Derpy: What happened to then? Variks: We passed then. Derpy: When? Variks: Just now. We're at now, now. Derpy: Go back to then. Variks: When? Derpy: Now. Variks: Now? Derpy: Now. Variks: I can’t. Derpy: Why? Variks: We missed it. Derpy: When? Variks: Just now. Derpy: When will then be now? Variks: Soon. Derpy: How soon? Variks: Now. So after my brain broke, a waypoint told me where to go. We kill some guards and find Eramis. Fallen: Heretic! Heretic! *Eramis kills a servitor* Eramis: Let him be an example to all who would seek to break our covenant. Greg the dreg: Yo who’s that mans up there? Eramis: It seems we have a guest. We run away because Eramis scary. Back at camp Variks wants to establish comms with some allies trying to flee Europa. So we flip a few switches and then the darkness tells us to follow it. So we follow it into a cutscene. We see a large group of fallen being led by a captain. Variks: Are you there? Captain: Yes Variks. We are heading towards you now. I never got to thank you for everything you’ve done. That place is perfect to hid in until we get off this desolate rock. Variks: No thanks necessary friend. Captain: We’re almost- What the hell! Variks: What’s wrong? Captain: Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god- Variks: You still there? Hello? Hellllooooo? Exo: There’s our guardian. Right on time. Report: Exo, Eris, Drifter: Intentional team killing. Submit. Exo: Take this stuff. Derpy: What is it? Drifter: Crack Cocaine! Derpy: Hell yeah! After taking drugs we go out to access a new subclass, I then proceed to murder hundreds of vex. Drifter. How’d it feel? Derpy: I killed them. I killed all of them. And not just the men, but the women and the children too. They were like animals! And I slaughtered them like animals! Next we hunt down the baron- I mean Eramis’ command. The first boss is nice and fun but the music is what really did I for me. Destiny’s music hasn’t been this good since Journey. Derpy: That boss was tuff. Now what? Drifter: Crack Cocaine. Derpy: Hell yeah! We go after the next boss and do what can only be described as Shank genocide. Again the music takes the spotlight and really elevated the boss itself. Derpy: Another one down. Drifter: Crack Cocaine. Derpy: Hell yeah! Wait a minute I see the metaphor bungie is going for. Me and my ghost are Adam and Eve and you are the devil taunting us into eating the fruit(Darkness). I denounce thee satan! Drifter: Crack Cocaine. Derpy: Hell yeah! Zavala: What have you done to yourself guardian? Ghost: Every day we stray further from god. We go to the cosmodrome and kill a boring boss. And then do a strike. The strike is amazing! Once again the music is awesome. This boss is awesome. I’m not going to spend too long on it but here’s the short version. Derpy: Look you stupid -blam!- you’ve got no arms left! Transcendent Hydra: Yes I have! Derpy: Look! Transcendent Hryda: It’s just a flesh wound. Come on then! Derpy: What are you going to do, bleed on me? So that was fun. Now we attack Eramis. We fight our way up to the top. And meet her face to face. This was by far the worst boss fight. The arena was boring and the music was bland. Eramis just kept saying MINE NINE MINE! We get to a cutscene where our ghost decides to reveal himself. Why are you out right now? Get back in the back pack wat r u dowing? *Eramis freezes ghost* You IDIOT LOOK WHAT YOU DID! Jdkdochwhdnk nehxjwn Kanu jaixbsjksjejskdj ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS FOLLOW THE DAMN TRAIN CJ!!!!!! The darkness frees us and we say. [quote]The only thing being broken is you.[/quote] I think I prefer mute guardian. Eramis gets cold and we win. Drifter: Crack Cocaine. [spoiler]Scores Story: 6/10 We need the people who write the lore entries to write the story. Europa: 9/10 Cool lost sectors. Fun events. Cool weather. Needs more stuff to do. Bosses: 8/10 The first two story bosses were great. Eramis and the other one we’re not really fun. Strikes: 7/10 Europa: Amazing Strike. Cosmodrome: Snooze fest. Cosmodrome: 4/10 We lost more then we gained. Loot: What loot?[/spoiler] Overall $40 is not worth. $20 is fair though.