Back in the day, my clan (Ars Technica) and a chat about something or other and I wrote this on a slow day at work. For any of you older folks -blam!- the old musical "The Music Man" will instantly recognize this song's roots. Anyway, here goes, I hope someone at Bungie sees this and makes note. I'm about to ride off into the sunset and not be playing Destiny any more. Been there since the Alpha and D1 and played every season since. But I'm getting older and slower and I have way too many artistic things to do in retirement (from work and Destiny) Here goes: Imagine if you will, a new visitor comes to the Tower. Professor Harold Rahool... Well, either you're closing your eyes To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated By the presence of Cayde-6 in your community. Ya got trouble, my friend, right here, I say, trouble right here in Tower City. Why sure I'm a bad -blam!- guardian, Certainly mighty proud I say I'm always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the hours I spend With a controller in my hand are golden. Help you cultivate Fallen's sense And a cool head and a keen eye. Never take and try to give An iron-banner leave to yourself From a Weyloran's March shot? But just as I say, It takes judgement, brains, and maturity to score In a balkline game, I say that any noob kin take And shove an etheric light in a pocket. And they call that sloth. The first big step on the road To the depths of dreg-Akora-Day-- I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon, Then beer from a bottle. An' the next thing ya know, Your guardian's playin' for loot In a Kellslayer's suit. And list'nin to some Bad out-a-town Juju Hearin' him tell about sparrow-race gamblin'. Not a wholesome tumbler race, no! But a race where they set down right on the Graverobber! Like to see some stuck-up Titan'boy Sittin' on Hidian Seeker? Make your blood boil? Well, I should say. Friends, lemme tell you what I mean. Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six rockets in a drop. Rockets that mark the diff'rence Between a guardian and a bum, With a capital "B," And that rhymes with "G" and that stands for Gjallerhorn! And all week long your Tower City Youth'll be frittern away, I say your young men'll be frittern! Frittern away their noontime, suppertime, grindtime too! Get the ball in the Tower, Never mind gittin' Bounties turned in Or the gun balance patched or the sword bearer pounded. Never mind jumpin' puzzle practice 'Til your outfitters bounties for exotics are redundant On a Saturday night and that's trouble, Oh, yes we got lots and lots a' trouble. I'm thinkin' of the blueberries in the knickerbockers, Wolf pak young ones, shootin' at the guardians Scorch Canons burning, look, folks! Right here in Tower City. Trouble with a capital "T" And that rhymes with "G" and that stands for Gjallerhorn! Now, I know all the pugs are the right kinda guardians. I'm gonna be perfectly frank. Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes On while they're loafin' around that Reef? They're tryin' boons , tryin' out favors, Tryin' out Mercies of Osiris like Cigarette Feends! And braggin' all about How they're gonna ascend a tell-tale Dragons Breath with Shards. One fine night, they leave the reef, Headin' for the Trials at the Lighthouse! Libertine Hunters and Scarlet Warlocks! And Beatle-like, shameless music That'll grab your Grieves and your boots With the grips of a jungle animal instink! Mass-staria! Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground! People: Trouble, oh we got trouble, Right here in Tower City! With a capital "T" That rhymes with "G" And that stands for Gjallerhorn, That stands for Gjallerhorn. We've surely got trouble! Right here in Tower City, Right here! Gotta figger out a way To keep the young ones moral after PVP! Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble... Harold: Mothers of Tower City! Heed the warning before it's too late! Watch for the tell-tale sign of corruption! The moment your guardian leaves the Tower, Does he rebuckle his Bones of Eao below the knee? Is there a glimmer stain on his index finger? A Carlton Banks emote hidden in the vault? Is he starting to memorize Grimore from Captain Elder's Whiz Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation? Words like 'swell?" And 'so's your old man?" Well, if so my friends, Ya got trouble, Right here in Tower City! With a capital "T" And that rhymes with "G" And that stands for Gjallerhorn. We've surely got trouble! Right here in Tower City! Remember Zavala in Twilight Gap, and the the Last Array! Oh, we've got trouble. We're in terrible, terrible trouble. That game with the Easter Egg Ball is a devil's tool! Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble! With a "T"! Gotta rhyme it with "G"! And that stands for Gjallerhorn!!!