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Edited by reggie:
9/1/2016 3:16:16 AM
43
I -blam!-ed a toaster.......again? AMA
[b][u]The Story So Far:[/u][/b]
[spoiler]I don't have much time....I knew I shouldn't have done this again....but...let me explain before I can no more.
It all started months ago. I -blam!-ed a toaster for the first time. It was....great! Hot, sticky, and I even made my breakfast after!
But what I didn't realize, is what it would do to me.
I have -blam!-ed a new toaster EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for the past months, since I first did it. Ive been addicted, and as of the moment it's really starting to catch up to me.
About a few hours ago, I met this toaster. Tos Ven. She was shiny, brand new, and [i]sizzling.[/i] I simply couldn't resist. I already started, within a few hours of meeting, to take off its "pants" and start to devirginize[is that even a word?] the toaster.
But what I didn't know, and don't really...understand..regardless, is that Tos Ven had a boyfriend. Toast Erven. He came in, saw what I was doing, and burned me. Badly. Well, what he actually did was throw me inside his mouth and start to cook me, but regardless, I'm currently still in here, and it's starting to feel like hell. I guess I'll go down in history, I can already see it now-
[b][i][u]FIRST MAN TO DIE BY TOASTER[/u][/i][/b]
So...while I still have moments here, I've decided to see what i can do on my phone. See if I can find some...images...or something.
Turns out for some [i]godforsaken[/i] reason, I can still connect to B.net. So..ask away...while I can still answer.[/spoiler]
[i][b]Update 1: [/b][/i]
[spoiler]
As it turns out, I've survived my injuries. I'm currently being airlifted to the local toaster repair shop, because apparently they can help a human?
Maybe?[/spoiler]
[b][i]Update 2:[/i][/b]
[spoiler]It was actually just a hospital lol, they call things all toaster related names apparently
I'm just relaxing at my house now, simply resting to heal up.
I've suffered burns all over my body, but the power of the NaCl that's found here has prevented me from dying and sped up the healing process.
[/spoiler]
[b][i]Update 3:[/i][/b]
[spoiler]I....I think I want another toaster....what do I do????? She's just so...hot and [i]electric...[/i] I can't resist. Help![/spoiler]
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1 ReplyA bump while I'm here.
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8 Replies[b] [/b]
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2 RepliesSo shiny! So chrome!
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4 RepliesNow watch me do 🐵 ✌🏼️/||\_ _/¯ ¯\_ The Harambe 👌🏽 \ 🙊 💥🔫 || \_👶🏼 _/¯ ¯\_
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6 RepliesI like to fúck Cheerios
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1 ReplyInstructions unclear, dick stuck in toaster.
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1 Reply[b][i][u][url=http://example.com][spoiler][quote] [/quote][/spoiler]link[/url][/u][/i][/b]
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4 RepliesOh Jesus Christ
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Bump unobuno skakdjndbump
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14 RepliesWe will get you out, someday.
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5 RepliesGet dick stuck in toaster. [spoiler]Farming coconuts since 7-26-2016 [/spoiler]
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1 ReplyLife is precious, and suicide is a serious issue to be handled by licensed professionals. Bungie employees and forum moderators are not trained to handle those in a suicidal crisis; please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You may also wish to contact any of the following crisis prevention resources: US: www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org www.spanusa.org UK: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx Canada: http://suicideprevention.ca/thinking-about-suicide/find-a-crisis-centre/ International Directory: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html Military Crisis Line: Active duty, Guard and reserve service members, their families and friends stateside and in Europe have 24/7 access to the Military Crisis Line at no cost. For crisis support, those in the U.S. call 800-273-8255, then press 1. Callers in Europe dial 00800-1273-8255 or DSN 118. The toll-free service in Europe may not be available through all carriers or in all countries. Military One Source Toll Free Number: 800-342-9647 Military One Source Crisis Prevention: http://m.militaryonesource.mil/crisis-prevention
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1 Reply
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Toastedwortbump
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1 ReplyStick it in the muffin slot!
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1 ReplyThat blunt got you toasted.
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1 ReplyDamnit! It would have been so funny if my name was still "Suicidal Toaster"
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3 RepliesI do the same thing, except I plug them in and jump into water so I can end this existential nightmare.
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1 ReplyOmg so hawt do it again let me get my camera [spoiler]wort[/spoiler] [spoiler]wort[/spoiler]
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Toastedwortbump
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28 Repliestry it again but in a bathtub
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37 RepliesEdited by That Pham: 8/30/2016 1:09:47 PMLooks like the toaster did the job for me.
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11 Replieswhat is this confessionstories.org?
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3 RepliesThat's very [b]shocking[/b]
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4 RepliesHmm...
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1 ReplyWas the toaster a 2 slice version or 4?
