Wow Just wow.

This doesn't seem like satire (or have the tag), so I'm gonna treat it at face-value. Since this game is based entire on using these things, these removals would be catastrophic. Sidestepping: Really? Strafing removed? This is a mechanic of basically every FPS ever. Strafing during gunfights is the only this that makes target acquisition matter as a stat and in-game feature (of every FPS ever). This is how you get out of grenades, dangerous situations, enemy fire, falling down a bottomless pit, the list goes on. Plus, "attacking in short phases" as you put it, is not a bad thing. It's a necessary action in this game. Unless you have a sniper, there's no way to win a gun fight in half-a-second. That's the main thing that Bungie wanted to move away from in this sequel. And honestly, I can get behind it. Not being able to 1-shot without special priority items means that stats like Armor, Speed, and Recovery matter, along with using your weapons well for maximum ttk, knowing when to push, knowing when to fall back, all sorts of gunfights that wouldn't happen without strafing, dodging, and using cover properly. The worst of all is your solution. Remove dodging and strafing? I've talked about strafing, but dodging is the only thing that hunters have as their intrinsic perk. It's what gives hunters some form of unique edge. If you're going to remove an intrinsic perk, you're going to need to replace with something. I didn't see that in your case. End of story, this is just an irremovable mechanic of every FPS. Deal with it. Lingering Damage: How many weapons (pvp) do damage over time? Other than weapons designed for enemies and bosses, I was unaware that any weapons designed for guardians use did this. Maybe some Exotic I didn't know existed. Maybe the next time you talk about players using "boss mecanics," actually make sure you have evidence to back yourself up. Grenades though, can do damage over time. If this was about nerfing them so that the damage done over time was at a more reasonable pace, I could get behind that. But REMOVING them? If you did that, you would end up getting rid of half of the grenades in the game. Again, a replacement? Just a blank spot? If you make a void, you have to fill it. Damage over time grenades are built to hold territory, a pinch point, or an objective. It keeps enemies from pushing, giving you time to capture a point, charge up abilities, or get in position to flank. This is essential to quick-time strategic gunplay. But you seem to be more worried about the receiving end. Getting attacked with an over time grenade is never a good experience. But as you say how bad this is, you provide a solution! You can counter these grenades "by stop the damage from starting, which can be done by placing barriers (only Destiny 2) or blocking the view between the thrower and the target." Move out of the way! By strafing perhaps? Are you even on your own side? Calling for Reinforcements: "Communicating with teams has been an essential part of gaming since the dawn of Multiplayer." Then you've literally just made yourself lose your own argument. Taking it out would just be stupid and make people even more angry. Another one of your arguments is that "it does not teach people to think for themselves when playing, but rather to rely on their teammates." A main feature of this game that Bungie wanted to make sure was prominent was teamwork. Although objectives are more broad in quickplay, in competitive the gameplay was built for communication, coordination, and teamwork. It doesn't teach players to not think for themselves, it teaches them to work in a group. The game itself encourages players to talk to each other! Removing in-game chat would do nothing good! Because even if you did, "Bungie cannot stop party chats and skype calls and other communication from third-party applications." There would be no point because people would just use those instead! Ultimately, every single one of your arguments is fundamentally flawed, lacking evidence, proper solutions, even contradicting itself, proving itself wrong! The problem is that these ARE NOT PROBLEMS. These are some of the things that Bungie got right in this game, don't criticize them for their successes. Find something that actually needs a solution. Fact check. Make your points clear. And if you contradict yourself, adjust your arguments, and your opinions, accordingly. You've got potential. You've got passion. Use for something other than complaining about STRAFING in an FPS.

Wtf. Someone call the FBI. This dudes friggin nuts and probably a serial killer

where is the satire tag?