I... I'm speechless. You have no idea how much you've helped me keep going these past few weeks.
But before I get into how you've all helped me, I suppose I owe you all an explanation of what's been going on.
First off, I've got manic Depressive disorder along with general anxiety disorder which have made it really hard to do... anything. And to make everything more difficult, I've also got Aspergers which amplifies depression and anxiety to unbearable levels. I've gone through several medications before I found anything that even remotely helped.
On top of all that, I've been really down recently. My grandpa died a few weeks ago, I've been failing most of my classes, I had to miss over two weeks of school, both my mental and physical health were declining dramatically, and I was being blamed for things outside of my control.
I was suicidal, I counted how many pills we had, and how many it would take to... to end my life. We had more than enough.
It would've been quick and easy. A clean way to be freed from this hell. I even wrote a suicide note. I wrote multiple notes. Hoping that maybe writing it down would rationalize my thoughts a bit.
I realized there was nothing left for me. That there was no chance of me making it further. I was empty, I was dead.
I believe I was ready to kill myself.
But then, I posted, [u][b][i][url=https://www.bungie.net/en/Forum/Post/203206897/0/0]I need to Vent[/url][/i][/b][/u], on the b.net forums, I just needed to let it out. I've been told to go to more supportive forums, but I feel like I'm being looked down on in those ones.I thought b.net would be a good place to get it out, since it's anonymous and I assumed nobody would actually care.
They cared. Oh boy did they care.
Within an hour I had already gotten several people asking if I was alright, or if I needed to talk. There were people analyzing and praising my writing style. I even had people asking to P.M. them my problems. By the end, I almost cried tears of joy.
Since then, most of my shitposts have been well received and got positive feedback. I've been having more meaningful interactions, everything has gotten better.
Thanks to all of you, whether you PM'd me, liked my posts, or tried to give me some advice, it all helped.
I've never had this much support. Not from family, or school, or even therapy.
You guys are my family, and no matter how much cancer there is, I'll stay here as long as I can.
I may relapse in the future, but hopefully with your support I can make it through. I may post more of what I write too, maybe that'll show where I am currently.
Honestly,
I don't know what else to say. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart, I might not be here without you guys.[spoiler]Also, [b][i]Thank you for your time[/i][/b] is probably going to be my new gimmick.[/spoiler][i]Thank you for your time[/i].
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Bnet did something good for once. I'm proud.