[quote]I finally did it.
I finally did it. I out-pizza'd the Hut. It was the greatest mistake of my life. After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out-pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeño," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeño." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it -blam!-. You just had to out-pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger. A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a deadly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. M-mom, dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi-" a single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out-pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty county road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone. At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out-pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one. With a free side order of pain.[/quote]
[spoiler]Merry Chistmas offtopic. The earth is still flatter than your mom.[/spoiler]
English
#Offtopic
-
U mean I came I saw I came I saw I praise the lord
-
You came?
-
i usually just wipe it on the curtains then leave
-
Damn, that's some good piz- 💥🪦
-
Yeah well the earth is comprised of around 70% water and none of it is carbonated so I think you know where this is going
-
*pumps shotgun* no one outpizzas the hut
-
*racks shotgun* That's a spicy meataball... B]
-
This sounds like the beginning of the plot of a Max Payne game.
-
Modifié par DarthWolfric : 5/20/2024 4:39:37 AMThe universe is an infinite hypersphere, expanding and retracting—a hyperspatial geometric plane upon which the cosmic Hut resides. A holy bridge between soul and chemistry. A fundamental egress of the universe. To Out Pizza the Hut is to exit defined space and enter an impossible dimension.
-
Modifié par Crayola of Death : 5/20/2024 3:48:29 AMThe ancients had their myths of hubris punished by fate: Icarus falling to his death when he flew too close to the sun, the great warrior Achilles fatally wounded at the ankle, his only weak point. Centuries later, we have the hegemony of Pizza Hut, a reality we may not like but dare not resist, in fear of meeting a tragic end. The smartest course is to avoid these restaurants completely, because once the notion of beating them takes hold, it gives way to obsession. How quickly you shall abandon what matters — your family, your lover, your own dreams and ambitions — to pursue the final, impossible form of pizza, just as Ahab sought revenge against a white whale that could not be killed. That is no kind of life, my friend, unless you wish to be truly alone in this world. Let it go, and do not stand against the Hut. And if you happen to find yourself in the predicament of Out pizzaing the Hut, may God have mercy on your soul, for your life has become forfeit.