At first it was wonderful. We were living in munchkin land where the echo of a thousand unicorns flatulating resounded on the hour every hour.
We would run hand in hand, pimp slapping any vandal who dare cross our path.
But that night, when all was said and done, even though you were fun to be around all you managed to tell me about yourself was 'I don't have time to explain' along with a vague recollection of some obscure relatives.
Call me crazy, but that sexy mysteriousness and fun personality kept me coming back for more.
Ahhhh the memories......
Remember that time we went caving?......Oh wait that's right YOU -blam!-ed that up!
What about that time you bought me that giant birthday present? Hang on that was a SNICKERS BAR WRAPPED IN A BIG -blam!-ING BOX!
How about when you bought me that kick-arse rifle. But a week later after hanging out with your bitchy friends from NARA you throw it in the lake!!!!!!!!
And today I discover all my clothes in the bin. My prized NOFX shirt that I wrestled from a crowd surfing hussy tripping on lsd, shredded!!
You, my bitter other half have just turfed out precious memories that tied value to our relationship. All you leave me with now is resentment and a sour taste in my mouth.
Now get out and take your damned dog.
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