So, I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time that something like this has been posted, but I think I have a little extra to add on that may help in the longrun for those that can't access accounts and possibly for Bungie's research into the current issues.
I was forcibly disconnected and signed out during the update earlier while in a fireteam with my close buddies. I attempted to sign back in about 2 or 3 minutes later and was promptly denied access to Bungie's servers.
Ok. No big deal. They were probably still being rebooted.
3 hours, 2 router resets, 1 NAT type change, 4 attempts without ethernet cable, and overall ~25-30 attempts later, I gave up. After generating a bit of hatred from attempting to login to my main, I decided to say "why not?" and try to generate a new character... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand it worked.
I can freely access the new character, but I currently can't access my lv 24 warlock. So, my current assumption is that my main's save file was corrupted when it was booted out. If anyone else has the same issue, let it be known.
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Yeah, it's on other threads.