That's right. We're here to make Destiny great again, people. Destiny, as you all know, is a wonderful game. A perfectly wonderful game. Stupendous. But we've fallen on hard times, people. It's true. We have. Well, I'm here to help make Destiny great again. Thank you. Thank you.
Firstly, as my official first act in bringing Destiny back up from the ground. Back up from down on the floor, as it were. My first act is to build a wall around the content that I deem unfit and just not very-well liked, in my opinion. The best part? Are you ready for this? The best part is I'm going to make the players pay for that wall. In truth, they already paid for the content so, you know, what's the difference in making them pay for putting a wall up around it? I don't see a difference or a problem with that. It's just a perfectly normal decision. The wall is perfect.
Secondly, people, we have got to get the Hunters out of our Crucible. They gotta go! They gotta go. You know I'm right when I say that. The Hunters.. You know, they just aren't very good for our community. You know? I have nothing against them, okay? Nothing against them. They're a fine class of Guardian. Perfectly fine class. However, they come into our Crucible and they are just constantly dodging and diving. You know? They never stop. They spawn-camp. It's true! You know it is. They spawn-camp with their little Golden Guns.. Golden Guns.. Hey! Golden Guns that I'd personally like to see the permits for, okay? So the Hunters, they gotta go. We gotta get them outta here.
Thirdly, people.. Thirdly. The weapons I see floating around our social spaces are just too much fun. We can't have that. We can't! We can't have that. No. So, I propose that we impose various degrees of nerfs to these weapons and their likability. Their fun factor has got to go, okay? Listen to me, people. It's the truth. Whisper of the Worm? I don't think so. I don't know what that worm is whispering to you about but I don't like it. It's gotta go. In it's place, I'm going to ensure everyone has access to new and exciting exotic sidearms. I just don't think enough people appreciate them so I'm making exotics surrounding them to take-up that one exotic slot that you can use. While we're at it, those exotic armor pieces that distinctly give you one of almost no advantages over the enemies? Boom. Gone. Just doing away with that valuable perk and replacing it with something like a faster reload speed. Fair trade.
Lastly.. Lastly, and this is the big one so I want you to hear me on this. Make sure you can hear me, okay? Lastly, we are going to take what is essentially one, singular story and drip-feed it over the course of three years at a minimum $30 a year. Yes! Yes, thank you. I know.. I knew that one would win you over. In addition, it's not even the entirety of the content for that story, either. No! No.. If players want to get everything then they will be spending upwards of $70 a year for what is, essentially, a total of $60 that any other game would charge. Not here, though. No sir! We're here to make Destiny great again and I know this is how we get it done, people.
Also, I'm raising the taxation of imports to make the games more expensive, overall, while making you think the other countries are paying for it when, in fact, you are.
Make Destiny great again!
[spoiler]I dunno. I was bored. Stupid idea made me laugh. Did you laugh? I hope so. If you did, be sure to like, share and subscribe and click the bell to get notified.[/spoiler]
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