[i]I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite post in Offtopic![/i]

Can’t have the name of a croissant instead?

Dammit Xemnas!

Look at them… [i]They come to this place when they know they are not pure. Tenno use the keys, but they are mere trespassers. Only I, Vor, know the true power of the Void. I was cut in half, destroyed, but through it's Janus Key, the Void called to me. It brought me here and here I was reborn. We cannot blame these creatures, they are being led by a false prophet, an impostor who knows not the secrets of the Void. Behold the Tenno, come to scavenge and desecrate this sacred realm. My brothers, did I not tell of this day? Did I not prophesize this moment? Now, I will stop them. Now I am changed, reborn through the energy of the Janus Key. Forever bound to the Void. Let it be known, if the Tenno want true salvation, they will lay down their arms, and wait for the baptism of my Janus key. It is time. I will teach these trespassers the redemptive power of my Janus key. They will learn it's simple truth. The Tenno are lost, and they will resist. But I, Vor, will cleanse this place of their impurity.[/i]

We can’t bust heads like we used to—but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

[b] [/b]

What if I change my name?

Oh frabjous day! Callou callay![spoiler]He chortled in his joy.[/spoiler]

*Hides behind curtain*

[i]Reese’s puffs, Reese’s puffs…[/i]

this armor suits you, but it cannot hide that mark

Oops… all x

…[spoiler][i]Praise the ring![/i][/spoiler]

I feel like you’d be disappointed to know I have no idea what this means.

I have no idea what this is about, but I feel as though some portal to another plane is about to open in my office if I repeat that outloud.